While You Were Out...

Memoirs of your secretary.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

David Blaine - The Idiot

I work at Lincoln center. The human frog they pulled out of that orb deserves whatever liver damage sustained for the most ridiculous stunt I have ever heard! I bet Ram he would not make it.

Tonight I will FEAST on China-Man delight and you-know-who- is paying for it,

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


I love the fact that your such a protruding ignoramous who attempts things. You TRY to catch me chatting or entering a blog entry. I am always one step ahead of you with my cat-like reflexes Mr. IN-NEED-OF-HAIR-CLUB-FOR-MEN.

You haven't noticed, or so it would seem, but the imitation of "Magic Mirror" going on in the back of your head is pretty good. You are going to begin to start fooling folks into saying "mirror, mirror on the wall"... pretty soon. Guess that midlife crisis is getting worse huh?

I heard about Big CHief Wampum's daughter - and all I can say is Kudos!!! I distinctly remember a conversation from the archives of my headaches past where Big Cheif was crying in my work area about how this same daughter was a heroine user. How he would take ANYTHING from her, if she would stop using.

Can this be considered Divine Intervention???

She did stop. She cleaned up, pretty nicely if I may say. She ran away a few weeks ago and eloped with a nice jewish boy in medical school. I know the Big Cheif isn't Jewish, but I mean isn't that what everyone wants for their daughter? To marry a handsome, rich jew?

Here he is now hungry, with a virginia ham under one arm but still crying because he got no bread.


I have to admit I did snicker at the fact that she is already pregnant. That was a nice twist to the plot. Watching him lose it, and watching all the rank and file suddenly all have to leave for an emergency meeting down at Niles - Priceless.

When the chairman asked for you. I didn't lie. I knew you went with Big Cheif, of course HE THOUGHT I was lying, but I wasn't.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The Morals of this story

Dear Boss:

I am TELLING! I am so telling it's unbelievable.

Ya done did it now! They say idle hands are the devils playground. You have left me idle hands. So in my boredom at this desk being your sexy assistant as I once heard myself called, I am going to entertain myself by dishing the dirt on your ass. No need for a book deal, YOUR PAYING ME TO DO IT.

Don't worry, I wont stop at just you. I am telling about all those executive friends of yours as well. No big papa, when your wallowing in your own self-pity because the secrets out, all your other pigeon friends will be in the park with you.

I have a secret I will tell
I will tell
I will tell
I have a secret I will tell
and it's about all the executives!

Very truly yours,
Your Assistant